Ahh, love—such a complicated thing.
One of the main reasons why a once-a-fairytale love story turns bitter & sour it’s because of the lack of communication—and misinterpretations of love language. Yes, love has a language.
With its complexity, lovers often find themselves tongue-tied on expressing their profound, overwhelming feelings towards their significant other. Hence, despite the majority appreciates verbal expression, some would rather have the non-verbal way.
American author and relationship counselor Gary Chapman, Ph.D. developed and wrote the love language theory, based on his experience as a marriage counselor. Throughout his career, Chapman was able to identify and categorize five ways people express love. He believes learning these love languages will give you a better idea of one’s preference with regards to giving and receiving love.
Check out the five languages below and see what you and your partner prefer most:
Words of Affirmation | “Say it, love”
The most common among the primary love languages, words of affirmation is all about verbal expression. As a partner to someone with this love language, make sure to shower them often with compliments and affirmations to sweep off one’s feet. Whether it’s thru text or the classic letter writing, it doesn’t matter—as long as you express what you feel and think about them.
With a simple expression of “I love you,” “I’m happy whenever I’m with you,” and “take care, always,” it will definitely make their heart skip a beat.
People with this language are especially sensitive to criticisms and hurtful comments. And not hearing enough or not letting them know how you feel can make them feel neglected.
What to do this Valentine’s Day?
Ditch the digital typewriting, go grab a pen and paper, and pour your heart out (make sure your penmanship is legible though). Likewise, you can also verbally profess it during your date night. Say that you love them, that you appreciate them, point out the little things, compliment them—feed their egos by telling them why you love them.
Because for them, words are still louder than actions.
Quality Time | “Eyes on Me, Babe”
The love language of quality time is more than just spending time, it also means quality attention. They appreciate more when their partner spends time with them—and by spending, I mean no phones, no distractions — all eyes on them.
Date nights, lone time together, and hanging out is what this language is all about. Just make sure to give your full, undivided attention because this upsets them. Moreover, not spending enough quality time, as well as not listening and postponing dates, is a BIG NO.
Planning to do something special for them this Valentine’s Day:
Clear up all your schedule and take your partner on a weekend escapade. Put your phone on airplane mode, and focus all your attention on him/her, make them feel special and loved.
Moreover, in maintaining your relationship, make sure to spend at least an hour or two with them every day. Converse and talk to them about their day, go for an afternoon stroll—if both parties are working, make sure to eat at least one meal together, embark on a new adventure during vacation, or a simple pillow talk will do.
As long as you let them know you’re there always.
Acts of Service | “Let me do that for you”
You must be wondering how on earth “washing the dishes” is a sign of love? Why acts of service is part of the love language?
People with this love language appreciate more when you ease things up for them by taking a task off their shoulders. They feel loved more whenever you go out of your way to help them with some of their responsibilities and burden—especially when it’s a sacrifice. In contrast, laziness, failure to keep up with commitments, and giving them more work could create misunderstanding and tension.
Wondering what to do to make your special during Valentine’s Day?
Wake them up with a delightful breakfast in bed; go on a cleaning spree before he/she arrives from work, or take on their usual chores. For married couples, you can take their usual role on watching over the children as he/she rest for the day.
Because for them, they firmly stand by the saying, “action speaks louder than words.”
Physical Touch | “Come cuddle with me”
Before your pretty mind wanders off to green land, the love language of physical touch is not just all about the sexy stuff. Though it is part of it, it goes beyond that.
If this is your partner’s love language, chances are they use non-verbal communication in showing you how much he/she cares. In return, they appreciate and feel more loved with shoulder pats, hugs, and kisses.
Furthermore, physical neglect can hurt them, most especially physical abuse of any kind.
Obviously, sexy time could be the numero uno on your list as to celebrate the Valentines. However, don’t forget that you can still make them feel special by cuddling on the couch watching Netflix and, literally, just chilling. Massage is also another way of treating them during this special day.
You Might Also Want To Check Out: Hugging And Why We All Need It
Receiving Gifts | “It’s the thought that counts”
Don’t confuse a person whose love language is Receiving Gifts as materialistic. They thrive on the thoughtfulness and effort their partner gives, regardless of the visual representation. Gifts and gestures, for them, mean love and care. Missing out birthdays, anniversaries, or any special day can hurt them and may lead to arguments and conflict.
How to make them feel loved not just this Valentine’s day, but every day? Surprise them with a bouquet, chocolates, or DIY crafts with mementos every now and then. You can also give them their favorite food or take him/her away from the bustling city over the weekend and go to the place he/she has always wanted to visit.
Remember, it’s the thought that counts!
Wondering which category you and your partner feel more loved and appreciated more? Click here to take the love language test.
Buffalmano, L. (n.d). The Five Love Language: Summary. The Power Moves. Retrieved on February 3, 2020, from thepowermoves.com
Borresen, K. (n.d). This Is The Most Common Of The 5 Love Languages. HuffPost. Retrieved on February 3, 2020, from www.huffpost.com